Um, yeah... So last weekend I had the dubious pleasure of attending the "4th Annual Drinks Show" (really? what kind of gong show were the previous ones?) I honestly thought, given my experience with events sponsored by alcohol companies that it would be good, and at the very least, it would be fun.

Well.... to borrow a phrase from Malcolm, it was a SHIT SHOW. It was puzzlingly held at the Toronto Brickworks, which looks like a cross between a hot house circa 1800 and some kind of internment camp. Well, looks aren't everything. Surely for the twenty bones you shell out, you get something fun, right? for your 20 dollhairs, you got... a miniature (less than a shot size) mixed drink! THAT'S IT. "Perhaps you get free food?" We wondered, as food was mentioned. No, tickets for barely palatable cater-fare were 5 dollars each.

So what WAS there? Well, tickets for a predetermined list of full-sized "new" drinks were 7 dollars each. those aforementioned "tasters" were 2 dollars each. The problem here is that for 25 cents and up, I could have tried anything here at the Summerhill liquor store, and not have had to contend with the sights (obese-multi-tattooed woman wearing more faux python than hair dye (a fight to the finish)) the sounds (music that even the Entertainment District has given up on) and smells (awful food, Portisheads, and cigarettes wafting in from the ramshackle "smoker's area" mmmmm. )

So what about the drinks? They were not terrible, but tended toward White Trash alcopop rather than a quaffer's delight.

One thing that was particularly lame was the COMPLETE LACK of any kind of promotions from the partners. Where were the things people live for, swag-wise? Jamieson golf balls, Cruzan Rum Leis, Sauza lime tchotchkes? There wasn't a contest, a giveaway, or themed pen in sight. MISSED OPPORTUNITY. There weren't even people dressed up as stuff! Everyone loves that. The idea for enabling the partners to brand and have fun with end users was lost in a sea of "pay us money and eff off."

The final nail in the coffin of this atrocity was the "free shuttle service" courtesy of several "hop on/hop off" tour companies in the city. Getting there was fine, and went off without a hitch. Getting back was ANOTHER MATTER ENTIRELY. You see, you need a venue that has an easily accessible driveway for the de facto form of transportation (parking was not available, so it was cabs or shuttle.) One where the transport can TURN AROUND, and also maneuver with a stream of cabs moving in and out, and having a growing throng of drunken rubes trying to figure out what's going on (in an extra level of complexity, there were 2 routes for the shuttles, which caused mass hysteria.)

This Richard Gere Posse entry is dedicated to the 20 dollars I spent to spend time with people the likes of which I have rarely seen outside of a small town "legion" function. I hope it was worth losing your life to such a poorly executed (but not entirely effing stupid) idea. RIP little buddy.
Below please find a "re-enactment" taken from Flavor of Love Charm School

Richard Gere Posse: The DINKS SHOW