I loves me some celebrity gossip, but only of the most AWFUL variety (like hookers, blow, illegal cockfighting, etc) so, I am getting a little sick of the weaksauce filler that is "bumpwatch." This lameass "reporting" has hit fever pitch since this summer's fashions are all about empire waists and flowing bodices. Lately, Katie Holmes, Nicole Ritchie, and other people whose lives have infinitely more secrets than a bun-ed oven are being targeted daily in a vain attempt to find a bump.

Here is a pic taken of me several weeks ago, and I am as barren as a Chernobyl maple tree. However, due to the crazy pattern and flowing design, I look like I'm a full-on Prego. But, as you can see in the second picture... flat stomach. I just wish we could go back to a simpler time, when gossip columnists went on "adulterywatch," "pisstankwatch" and "gaywatch."

Richard Gere Posse: Everybody's "Pregnant"