Who doesn't like dumb sluts? I certainly do. Who doesn't like monkeyshines? One look at my facebook would tell you I absolutely do. What I do not cotton to is when dumb sluts get into monkeyshines that are potentially deadly and then act like everyone totally does it too. Such is the case with Paris Hilton, who historically does her best work at night. One thing us bitches do agree on is In N Out burger (I am slightly harder core in my lurve for the Christian-themed burgers, having once called the hotline to find the closest one. It was on Crenshaw Boulevard. Bob and I took a cab at 3am. Bob likes 'em Animal style.) But this is not about deliciousness. This is about Twattitude. My father was nearly killed when I was a child as a result of a drunk driver. It is not something to be flip about. So, excuse me if I don't have sympathy that your roots had to go black and your blue contacts had to come out. However, I am happy to see that in the absence of your social candy, you have put on weight in the clink, making the lesson hit you where you live. Since your whole world is tied up in your gigantic-footed body, I'm glad Los Angeles County could help spread the message that DUIs are not a joke. You could end up like one of those "fat people who drink diet coke." Enjoy your freedom, ya fat cunt!

Richard Gere Posse: Fatass Magee's She-UI